your parents love me but you hate me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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