some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
