That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
