I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this just has baby written all over it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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