it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
