My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
