I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
