I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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