i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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