Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
