Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
