i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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