Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize