We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
