I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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