I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
