Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
