Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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