If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
