Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
