had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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