So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
