So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
