No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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