I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
