if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
