she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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