in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
