I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think i have two assholes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
