i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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