I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
