Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
