i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize