Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
