literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
