I'm gonna have a badass scar
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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