so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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