we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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