I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
