ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We need a shit load of segways right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
