Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Come on in and take your pants off
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