I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
