I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she looked like the before picture.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize