Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
