Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
