Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
