I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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