I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize