highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
