she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize