Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
