in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
