if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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