I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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