I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
