I wish I could teleport
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
