Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
