the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
