I am full of burrito and curiosity
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize