from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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