Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
