I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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