Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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