do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
