9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
