Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
