Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
