His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
