I hate all girls vehemently.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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