I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
