I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
