He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize