I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
