It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
