I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
