So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize