you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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