If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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