So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
