my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
