Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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