I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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