Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
