i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
