i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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