i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
