i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
