Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
