hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
