he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
where are my eyebrows?
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