Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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