My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
