There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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