So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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