It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
