I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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