I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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