Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
