yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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