You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
