So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
