I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
