i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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