If i come over, it means nothing
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
