I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
