marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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