my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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