I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
