So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
