you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
