i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
