I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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