It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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