you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
