Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
