have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
